A Wealth of Useless Information
Volume 4: "World's Tallest Band"

When I was a Freshman in college, I was lucky enough to get placed in a dorm corridor with a handful of the coolest guys I'd ever met in my life. Given what we all know about how Universities work, I'm thinking the odds of ending up randomly placed with people you dig are pretty astronomical. It's been a while since I was in college but I'm guessing this is still pretty true.

Anyhoo, these guys were from lots of different parts of the country and, in some ways, they were all different from me and yet we all got along really well. Everything I've learned since the age of 18 also indicates that the odds of this happening randomly are also fairly astronomical.

I think the first thing that drew us all together (other than trying to figure out where the girls' dorms were and how to find fake ID's) was music. Not that all our tastes were the same, they weren't. But every room sort of had a different musical focus, kinda like a Pot Luck Dinner for music. So if you got bored with Classic Rock you could go down the hall to someone else's room and hear the Blues, or Jazz, or Punk Rock, or whatever.

I think the one band we all agreed mightily upon was The Rolling Stones. Everyone from the Metal Heads to the hard core Punks could get behind the Stones, if you know what I mean.

So, on weekends, we'd pack as many guys into a room as we could, pack as many illicitly obtained beers as we could into that same room (not that I'm advocating this sort of thing, mind you) and crank the Stones as loud as we possibly could without getting a dreaded "noise violation" from the corridor Resident Assistant.

(If you're wondering why there weren't any girls in the party room, well, that wasn't by choice. See, like I said, we were Freshmen. And, for the most part, kind of dorky. And it took us a long time to find the girls' dorms. And when we did find them, all the girls were uptown at bars with older guys because girls get by on crappy fake ID's easier than guys do because, well, the guys are the ones working the doors at the Bars. But that's another story…)

It was on one of these particular evenings, like so many that had come before and sooooo many that would come after, that a few of us had gathered to rock out to "Sympathy For the Devil" and play some sort of drinking game, the name of which escapes me at the moment. (Surprise, surprise…)

As I looked around the room somewhat blearily, it occurred to me that every one in the room was playing a different "air" instrument part to "Sympathy". I was playing "air" drums, Paul was faking his way through a guitar solo, Fred, Derek and Jay were doing the "who-hoooooos", and Greg was acting like he actually knew how to play the piano. Which he didn't….but like I said….we were having a beer or two.

It also occurred to me that I was one of the two shortest guys in the room. No kidding. And I was (and still am, actually) about 6'2".

Connecting these dots in the way that they can only be connected if you've been drinking lots of cheap Midwestern beer, it occurred to me that we were, in fact, The World's Tallest Band! (I mean, absent musical talent, or instruments, or an audience, or equipment…..of course….)

It goes without saying that for dorky 18 year-old guys who don't know any girls and can't find fake ID's and haven't figured out how they're actually going to PASS any college level classes yet, the idea of being in the World's Tallest "Air" Band was pretty humorous.

From then on, our weekends all started the exact same way; we'd gather in the same room, put on the Stones "Sympathy For The Devil", and proceed to impress the hell out of ourselves. (And pretty much no one other than us….)

Some people have church. Some people have the library. We had the Stones. What can I say?

It's been a while since I was 18 but I don't think I'll ever hear "Sympathy For The Devil" without picturing the lot of us jammed into a tiny Midwestern dorm room overcrowded with beer cans, dirty ashtrays, and girly posters. It's a funny vision, actually. And at the same time, an important vision.

I still keep in touch with most of the guys in "the band". Not regularly mind you, but at least from time to time. And somewhere, in a box, in some back corner of my basement, underneath piles of tax stuff, and High School Yearbooks, and old baseball gloves, I have a picture of the World's Tallest Band.

If I get some time this weekend, I think I'm going to try to find it. Maybe we'll even mount a reunion tour? Minus the drinking games of course…..and this time, with girls.