I was actually thinking of the old Monty Python song of the same name which refers not to the deluge of junk e-mails with which we're all too familiar, but rather the imitation meat product often preserved in some sort of viscous jelly like substance with which most of us are, hopefully, NOT familiar. (To listen to the Monty Python song click here.)

Actually I had a roommate in college named Greg who used to eat Spam on a semi-regular basis, mostly for comedic effect I think. And I had another roommate post-college who's Grandmother used to send him care packages with Spam and all manners of Jellified Potted Meat Product (Note: What's wrong with cookies, Grandma???) …..even for comedic effect, he wouldn't eat the stuff. We used to set Grandma's tins of fake meat on top of our TV hoping that the metal in the cans would improve the reception. It didn't. And yes, I know I've digressed. Digression is actually my specialty….

It's hard not to think about electronic spam, really. It seems like e-mail existed for a little over a nano-second before some group of marketing/computer nerds figured out how to blanket the world with useless messages advertising everything from pornography to cable TV to weight-loss scams, thereby negatively impacting the concept of electronic mail, which started out as a pretty durn good idea. (And really still is, I guess. It's just annoying that it got corrupted so very quickly.)

To me it's yet another sign that "we", in the global sense, as "human beings" that is, really are getting dumber. As another example, next time you're in the shower, read the back of your shampoo bottle. That's right. There are INSTRUCTIONS on the shampoo bottle. Lather, rinse, repeat. "Ooooooo…..so THAT'S what you do with this stuff…..whew…thank goodness for instructions."

The coffee you pick up on the way to work every morning? Of course, for legal reasons, each cup now says "Caution: Extremely Hot Beverage", or something similarly obvious. All because someone spilled a McCoffee on their lap and successfully sued the Golden Arches for a bazillion dollars. Somehow that little disclaimer you find on the cups now absolves the server of responsibility in case of injury.

Which is really a bummer when you think about it, because, after all, this is the USA. And, damn it, if I'm careless enough to spill coffee on myself, or pour shampoo into my eyes, or decide to use 8 bottles of lighter fluid on my grill before the family barbecue, or break my arm riding my skateboard (I don't really ride a skateboard, but go with me here…) down 4 flights of concrete stairs, then certainly SOMEONE, other than me, is to blame. And that someone, of course, must pay. And preferably through the nose.

Anytime I read about these frivolous lawsuits that clog up the courtrooms of our country, or read the instructions on a pocket comb, or see those spam emails jamming up my email in box, I can't help but think about how this is another great example of how stupid people have gone and corrupted something simple...and useful..like email...or...you know, not spilling coffee on yourself. And I can't help but wonder what the framers of the constitution are thinking right now. Or for that matter, what my grandparent's generation (practical and logical to a fault some might say) are wondering from up on high.

Freedom of speech is a great thing. A judicial system that isn't run by a king or the person with the most land or the most money is also a great thing.

But with freedom comes a certain amount of responsibility. A lot, actually. If you spill the coffee, it's your fault. If you wipe out on the skateboard, that's probably your fault too. And if you put the shampoo in your eyes, well, at least you'll have really, really clean eyes.

And if the clean eyes provision isn't actually in the constitution, well, I think we should add it.

All the best,
Mike Casey
On-Air Mountain Guide
9a-2p